I only have my dreams

I love dreaming! I can shout it from the rooftops that I'd rather be in a deep deep sleep where I can imagine what I want, people like me back, and I escape dangers that couldn't otherwise. I am so thankful every time that I remember a very vivid dream upon waking. They somehow don't leave my mind, and take precedence over any other priorities I may have that day. I over analyze them, and replay them over and over for weeks after.

Last night I had a good one. It was a very long adventure with one person who I wish this could have happened with. I don't want to give too much information about this person, but in my waking life it is wrong for me to like them as much as I do. I think I even try to hide my feelings about them from myself for fear of severe depression, because they are always in close proximity to my day to day life that I wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything else...EVER! I am told by them to keep our one slip of friendship, on that glorious night, where nothing else seemed to matter, a complete secret, and somehow I should be able to erase this from my memory as they have? I am also told that I have to not let my emotions fall deeper than just friends because they don't have the same feelings about me.

But in my dream last night there were no rules, nor overbearing and impossible orders. We escaped a horrific natural disaster together and they only cared about me. It was our passion that got us through it. We held hands, held each other away from the approaching danger, and made passionate love. Why is it in my dreams I feel more alive than I do when I am awake? This seems so backwards. But the reality is, I'd rather just dream about them than actually have those dreams be a reality, because I don't have to be held responsible for my actions in my dreams, i don't have to feel guilty or deal with other peoples messy emotions.

And when I woke up I realized that my dreams are my best friend, because I was able to fantasize about this person for seven hours on end, and spend what felt like a week on this adventure with them, and when I wake up they still don't have the slightest clue. They still don't know that I'd like that to be a reality, maybe not the natural disaster part, but the rest, oh yes! But this is also what kills me while I'm awake, and what makes me realize that I only have my dreams, because it can not and will never be able to exist in reality.